I’ve had responsibility on my mind lately. It is not a popular topic but I wish it were. I believe it is only unpopular because it is misunderstood. The healthiest, happiest people take responsibility while also recognizing their interdependency needs. To take responsibility means to own the consequences of your decisions and actions that you make within the actual limits of your power. That means one must assess with accuracy how much power you have and within what zone of influence. The practice of responsibility requires intellectual rigor, facing fears and shame, learning to self regulate, and, often, the need to process trauma and developmental wounding. “Limbic friction” comes into play (Huberman, 2022, ep.53). Limbic friction is when emotional tension arises because there is a mismatch between one's internal emotional responses and external expectations or demands. For example, you are trying to accomplish a task and get bored. You push through the limbic friction of boredom and complete the task anyway. Here are some voices from the past on the matter: What we call our destiny is truly our character and that character can be altered. The knowledge that we are responsible for our actions and attitudes does not need to be discouraging, because it also means that we are free to change this destiny. One is not in bondage to the past, which has shaped our feelings, to race, inheritance, background. All this can be altered if we have the courage to examine how it formed us. We can alter the chemistry provided we have the courage to dissect the elements. ― Anais Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934 Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility. ― Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so. ― Noam Chomsky A person may cause evil to others not only by his actions but by his inaction, and in either case he is justly accountable to them for the injury. ― John Stuart Mill, On Liberty Once you realize we all have the ultimate duty & responsibility to ourselves to be the best we can regardless of the situation that lies in front of us, that is when your sacrifice will no longer feel like a sacrifice. ― David Goggins, Feb 25, 2021 Taking responsibility is the path to acquiring all the qualities that any human wants in life: safety, security, belonging, agency, gratitude, joy, confidence, etc. When we pursue excessive material things, fame, superiority, rescuing, blame (different from holding people accountable), and so on, we are trying to make a shortcut to the things that we really want. If we stop playing the game of shortcuts, we get to work on actualizing that which we really desire.
Take responsibility for what is in your control.
Never take responsibility for anything that is not in your control:
Identify what is not in your control and let it go. Free yourself to focus on what is in your control. The price of making choices is responsibility. Responsibility is learned like any other skill. Once you get good at responsibility, you will enjoy it. Taking responsibility will feel good, right, safe, and secure once you get used to it. It's ok to feel emotional as you take responsibility, even VERY emotional. Your body is your ally when navigating responsibility. You can learn to work with your body to regulate your emotions. When you are out of alignment you will feel “sorry” as in a “sorry state.” You will feel disheveled and needing repair. When you are in alignment you will feel strong and settled. You will still feel the unknown, however. Taking responsibility does not end the unknown or elements in life that are out of your control. Taking responsibility does not prevent loss. It especially does not guarantee that everyone will like you. It will attract other responsible people and repel those who fear being responsible. You will feel lonely at times taking responsibility. Eventually, you will trust yourself so much that you will generally feel curious about the future but seldom fearful of it. Making mistakes will still be somewhat painful but will not feel final or like you can't recover. You will not wait around for others to take responsibility for their actions. You will see how they act and choose what you will do for yourself, assuming they will not change. Taking responsibility can be a long process but ultimately it leads to the creation of the life you want within the unavoidable existential limitations inherent in life.
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AuthorProsopon Therapy Archives
July 2024
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