I just found this essay I wrote back in June of 2022. As you explore the inner world of yourself and others, you will see there is a sort of underlying 'first principles' or rules from which our organization emerges.
Give Them Some Oxygen
Embracing the Hidden Wisdom Within: We all have parts that we don't like and try to smother. Parts that hold emotions that we reject, like anger, hate, weakness, sadness, shame, and wild pleasure. When we smother these parts, we dissect ourselves into arbitrary borders and dub some worthy and others unworthy. We become polarized and lose sight of what is wise about these othered parts.
The Cost of Categorization: We do this because we feel those parts are costly. In our attempts to decrease our vulnerability, we become polarized in our thinking. We make some parts “good” and others “bad.” It is the categorization and labeling of these parts that is the origin of all functional mental illnesses. The parts that get smothered don't die, nor do they grow weaker, they instead struggle against their restraints and gag. They pop out sideways, acting out and demanding freedom to enact their wisdom.
Reclaiming Wisdom: It's true that the unbridled expression of many of the parts that we reject, we learn to do because their expression was costly at some point. In our time of low understanding and lack of support, we make up stories about these parts so that they can never do the damage that they had done in the past. Ultimately, however, those urges that those parts have are wise in some way. They are pointing to something that we need either from others or from ourselves.
As we mature and gain understanding and resources, someday, we can relieve the gag order and give these parts some oxygen. When we give these parts oxygen, it can be really scary. When those parts come, we feel the emotions that come with them. Perhaps there's hate, perhaps there is rage, perhaps there is a kind of blissful Mania that has no place in our home or business. When these parts come in, we feel those feelings we get scared that maybe we'll get stuck there, maybe the power I gained over this part will go away, and I will be overwhelmed by it. So, of course, in the beginning, it's important to do it with support, like Virgil holding Dante's hand in the Underworld.
The Alchemy of Self-Discovery: We need someone who knows what they are witnessing to coach us through the intense sensation of the part as well as the intense reaction that we tend to have to that part. And with our hands held in this way, we are able to finally or at least start the process of seeing what this part is all about. And when we finally give this parts some oxygen, we begin to understand. Oh! We can hear the wisdom of what this part holds that we locked away when we locked away the dangerous aspects too. We get the opportunity to sort out that which is useful and that which is costly. In that sorting, this part has the opportunity to alchemize and transform into something updated that we can use now in our present lives.
Trusting the Allies Within: We begin to see our parts as a gaggle of children in our charge. Never wanting to smother or deprive any of them but rather to lovingly understand and listen to the fate-altering, mind-blowing information that they have for us. And in so doing, finally, we get to reap the benefits of all parts of ourselves, updated and shown where we are now in our lives. We learned to trust these parts and give them access to the viewing room of our world. And when they see what we have become, they grow up to become whatever it is that we and they need them to be. We stop seeing these parts as enemies and instead see them as allies. We make amends for the misunderstanding and the defamation that we perpetrated on these sweet little beings.